To say, “It’s been a while,” is something of an understatement!
After my father died, life changed… but didn’t at the same time. So many questions were (and still are) unanswered. So many ‘truths’ have been uncovered as lies. So many moments have passed by without conscious or unconscious acknowledgement.
Life for the first twelve months was a process of just going through the motions of work, family, breathing. At some point, however, something changed. I recommenced the journey of unpacking everything I thought I knew about myself, looking at each piece of me from all different directions, and deciding whether it really was a part of ‘me’ or if it was a piece of someone else that I had taken on for one reason or another. I started the process of regeneration.
My writing during this time has been a stop-start affair.
I would get ideas blasting into my consciousness at all sorts of weird hours of the day or night. Some I wrote down, some I did not. Each one, however, became a neglected child that eventually withered and died from lack of nurturing.
Various aliases arose to provide some kind of an outlet, but at all times there was a feeling of something missing. Me.
So, here I am, returning to the one place that provided an outlet during the most traumatic period of my life, but there have been some subtle changes. This time, the name is mine, the writing is what it is, and the future is starting to take shape away from the darkness and secrecy that has hounded me for a lifetime.
I am no longer trying to please people – I write for me, and only me. If, by some grace of God, others find some kind of connection, wisdom, comfort or assistance in what I write, then so be it. On the other side of the coin, I know there are some who are not going to like what they read, and will quite possibly take offence from it, but again, so be it.
That may sound somewhat arrogant, but if there is one thing I have learnt well over the last few years, it is this: I cannot please everyone all of the time, so trying to censor what I write is not only pointless, it causes stress. The whole purpose of my life since 2010 has been a search for honesty and truth, so to turn my back on that now, by tailoring my words to minimise their impact or change the meaning of my intended message, would make me a hypocrite.
So, with that all said, it is time to continue the journey. Feel free to walk with me at any time.