Tag Archives: Goals

Regeneration

Regeneration

Regeneration

To say, “It’s been a while,” is something of an understatement!

After my father died, life changed… but didn’t at the same time.  So many questions were (and still are) unanswered.  So many ‘truths’ have been uncovered as lies.  So many moments have passed by without conscious or unconscious acknowledgement.

Life for the first twelve months was a process of just going through the motions of work, family, breathing.  At some point, however, something changed.  I recommenced the journey of unpacking everything I thought I knew about myself, looking at each piece of me from all different directions, and deciding whether it really was a part of ‘me’ or if it was a piece of someone else that I had taken on for one reason or another.  I started the process of regeneration.

My writing during this time has been a stop-start affair.

I would get ideas blasting into my consciousness at all sorts of weird hours of the day or night.  Some I wrote down, some I did not.  Each one, however, became a neglected child that eventually withered and died from lack of nurturing.

Various aliases arose to provide some kind of an outlet, but at all times there was a feeling of something missing.  Me.

So, here I am, returning to the one place that provided an outlet during the most traumatic period of my life, but there have been some subtle changes.  This time, the name is mine, the writing is what it is, and the future is starting to take shape away from the darkness and secrecy that has hounded me for a lifetime.

I am no longer trying to please people – I write for me, and only me.  If, by some grace of God, others find some kind of connection, wisdom, comfort or assistance in what I write, then so be it.  On the other side of the coin, I know there are some who are not going to like what they read, and will quite possibly take offence from it, but again, so be it.

That may sound somewhat arrogant, but if there is one thing I have learnt well over the last few years, it is this: I cannot please everyone all of the time, so trying to censor what I write is not only pointless, it causes stress.  The whole purpose of my life since 2010 has been a search for honesty and truth, so to turn my back on that now, by tailoring my words to minimise their impact or change the meaning of my intended message, would make me a hypocrite.

So, with that all said, it is time to continue the journey.  Feel free to walk with me at any time.

Merry Christmas, Happy Holidays

Christmas used to be my favourite time of year. As a child Christmas meant spending time with my Grandparents, and then the whole family would gather together and celebrate their ‘togetherness’ before heading back out into the world for another 12 months.

After my Grandfather passed away the family stopped getting together and communication between all the different members disintegrated and has now all but disappeared.

In spite of this, (or perhaps because of it?), I have always worked hard to make sure Christmas is a special time for my own family, i.e my daughter and my partner. Over the years it has become a time of relaxation and reconnection with each other – in much the same way it used to be for the extended family when I was a child.

But this year it’s different. It doesn’t feel like Christmas.

I am sure we will enjoy our time together, as we normally do, but this year I haven’t had the time or the finances to really get into the spirit of things and prepare all the little things that make Christmas Day special for us.

So, while I am busy trying to get things done at the last-minute, I would like to wish all of you a very Merry Christmas, and send best wishes for the year ahead.

2012 will hopefully see the long-awaited completion of the first draft of my novel, more regular posts and short stories on this blog, and, with fingers strongly crossed, I hope to get a journal-style blog up and running in the next few weeks so I can share some thoughts on general topics, while keeping this blog dedicated to my fiction writing.

Procrastination sets in

Procrastination sets in

As most writers know, NaNoWriMo is upon us, and at the beginning of the year I had planned to participate this year. However, ‘life’ got in the way and I also found myself a good way into writing a novel by the time November rolled around. So, instead of putting my work-in-progress on hold and write an entirely new novel during NaNoWriMo, I had set myself a challenge to have the first draft of the original novel completed by November 30.

All was going well until I turned 40.

In the few weeks leading up to the big four-oh, all of my spare time was focused on party preparations, (because you only turn 40 once, I was happy for it to be a ‘big deal’).  Anyway, my writing stopped during this time and now, after the partying has come to an end, I turned my attentions back to my manuscript.

But nothing happened.

I sat at the computer, checked my emails, read the news, listened to music, played a game – everything other than write. Then today, when I was having a coffee trying to psyche myself up to write, I thought I should do some sewing, clean the house, go shopping etc.

Fortunately, or unfortunately depending on your point of view, I have been in this position before, so I know what is happening – I’m procrastinating!

Tsk! Tsk!

Oh, well, at least I have managed to sit here for the last few minutes and write a blog post. Now, if only I can transfer this concentration and get back to my novel…

6,000 words!

6,000 words - done!

Woo Hoo! Who said it couldn’t be done? Well, I for one definitely had my doubts.

No, I haven’t completely lost my mind, (although I am working on it), but I did achieve something amazing today.

I haven’t written much on my novel for the last couple of weeks, thanks to ‘life’ getting in the way, so this afternoon I set my goals high and set about trying to achieve them.

My goal was to write 6,000 words today.

Considering I didn’t sit down to start writing until 1.30 this afternoon, I was expecting my goal would be quite out of reach, but there is nothing like a challenge to give my motivation a bit of a kick-start.

With no incentive, other than to reach the magic 20% mark of my first-draft by writing 6,000 words today, I sat down and let my fingers do the talking, (so to speak).

Anyway, almost 10 hours later, I have just completed 6,112 words!

I am exhausted, I have to go to work early in the morning, and my only sustenance today has been coffee, but I am so excited that I have managed to get so much written. This bodes well for the rest of the week, because, having been so engrossed in the story for so many hours in one sitting, I am keen to keep the momentum going.

It feels so great to have pushed myself beyond the goals I would normally set for myself, I just had to share.

Fell free to let me know of any writing goals, big or small, you’ve achieved recently so we can celebrate together!