Tag Archives: child abuse

Still Breathing

It’s been such a long time since I wrote here, and I didn’t really have any intention of returning after leaving WordPress.com, but there has seemed to be quite a bit of interest the last couple of weeks, so I thought it wouldn’t hurt to say, “Hi.”

So much has changed, and so much has stayed the same since the last post on here. I left my relationship. I found myself, lost myself, found myself again, only to lose me once more. I found my sexuality, and lost it again. I have a manuscript ready except for the formatting. I stopped writing short stories, and started writing poetry. I’ve had three jobs, four different addresses, across half the State. I fell madly in love with a liar and a cheat, and I had a whirlwind same-sex relationship. Just normal, everyday stuff.

In amongst all of that, has been the omniscient presence of my father.

Panic attacks, nightmares, flashbacks, memory floods, body memories, and ever increasing anxiety has been in the background the entire time. Every mountain you think will be the last one, and it never is. But it does get better.

In the last two years I have learnt to smile, to feel safe enough to play and makes jokes, to trust myself to know I can look after myself, and I’ve broken many of the shackles. So, it can be done. The question is, at what cost?

I still have dreams to be able to help others. I still have dreams to write. I still love getting out and exploring the country.

I’m still breathing.

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Don’t come here to get off

Online paedophiles

A message to online paedophiles

In this amazing age of technology in which we live, those of us who choose to put ourselves ‘out there’ on the internet by blogging about our lives, now have access to some amazing analytical tools that tell us all sorts of things about the people who visit our pages.

There are many people, just like me, who are using blogs to share our experience of sexual and psychological trauma as a child, in the hope that we might not only help others who have had similar experiences, but also to break the silence that enables perpetrators to keep abusing children.

Unfortunately, the nature of what we write about can attract those people who find enjoyment in the sexual abuse of children.

If you have come to my website in the hope of a few jollies from reading about the specifics of child sexual abuse, you are going to be bitterly disappointed on two counts:

  1. Although I write about the impacts of child sexual abuse, I do not write all of the gory, step-by-step, details of what happened to me; and
  2. In Australia, we are able to report the IP addresses of those who arrive at our websites by using inappropriate search terms (which we have access to, thanks to those wonderful analytic tools I spoke of earlier).

Have a nice day!