You look fine


Hidden pain

Hidden Pain

You look fine.

Can you not see my ugliness?

You look fine.

Can you not see the scars I carry?

You look fine.

Can you not see the sadness I feel?

You look fine.

Can you not see that big Black Dog that has been at my heels for the last three decades?

You look fine.

Can you not see the huge, heavy,  black box inside me that oozes sludge, pus and monsters?

You look fine.

Can you not see the blood I have lost?

You look fine.

Can you not see the bruises I have had?

You look fine.

Can you not see my body silently screaming in pain as it remembers the trauma it has lived through?

You look fine.

Can you not see the pain of an adult penis being jammed into a nine-year-old’s vagina?

You look fine.

Can you not see the terror of knowing your father could get you pregnant?

You look fine.

Can you not see I would rather be dead?

You look fine.

Can you not see all the things I cannot put into words?

You look fine.

Can you not see the pain my anger has caused others?

You look fine.

Can you not see how a song, a smell, a memory can cause me insanity?

You look fine.

Can you not see the nightmares that keep me awake at night?

You look fine.

Can you not see how your ignorance and arrogance cause me despair?

But, you look fine.

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10 responses to “You look fine

  1. Thank you for posting it can really relate to this xx

  2. I know you look fine but….thinking of you! ❤

  3. Your poem hit me hard. You wrote what I feel. You inspire me to write about how I seem fine on the outside, but on the inside- I’m in pain. Thank you for writing this poem.

    • I am glad that you found inspiration in it, Becca. When I read the work of others that really hits a tender spot in me, it often helps me write and, as a result, nurture that part of me requiring healing. I hope you are able to find some moments of peace through your writing.

  4. I hope so too. And once again, thank you for everything your write. Not just your fiction, but your op eds too.

    • Thank you as well Becca. Your writing also helps others 🙂

      • I fear that I am hurting others more than helping others.

      • Every time you write, you are helping some else know they are not alone – just as you are not alone, even though you probably think so. Every time you find the courage to share what you are experiencing and post on your blog, you are helping someone else identify those feelings within themselves and you are providing them with the inspiration to keep breathing 🙂

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