Sweet Temptation

Oh, Sweet Temptation! I know you are there just lurking in the shadows, waiting to get me when I am at my weakest. I stand on the precipice of succumbing to your charms often. But there is always something that holds me back from your heavenly embrace. My inner core is too strong for your persuasive powers to break. So, I continue to come to the edge of the unknown and stand there wondering if this time that rod of steel will have weakened enough for me to acquiesce to your powers of persuasion.

And it is funny, that I can stand beside the crevice and remain alive and breathing, not in the least ready to surrender at the level of my soul, but yet yearn for that release when I am safely out of harm’s way. I fantasise about taking that one tentative step that will cause me to free-fall into the chasm. My mind goes off on a million different tangents imagining the various scenarios of when, where, and how your seduction will be complete. And I am jealous of those who you beguile while you are waiting for me. How dare you flirt with more than one of us at a time! Why can’t you wait for me to come running into your arms like long-lost lovers do in the old Hollywood movies?

The people around me have no idea of my addiction to you. They would be surprised at how much you occupy my mind. Like spirits to an alcoholic, you have a hold on me like no other. I know our relationship is not healthy, but I don’t know how to make you stop tantalizing me with what might be. And I am not sure that I want to make you stop. Because when all is said and done, at times it feels like you are the only one that cares, even though I know you don’t. But unlike the people who should care but don’t, you give me a sense of myself that I know is truly me. When I think about you I know it is my own thoughts I am thinking, not some seed that was planted long ago that I adopted as my own, when it was not my place to do so.

How long will we dance like this? How long will you call my name and show me your enticing nothingness? Will I ever have the strength of heart to turn my back on you forever? I can’t see that happening anytime soon, can you? You are like a siren song to a weary sailor, the light to a moth, the full moon to the high tide. You draw me to you time after time and I am helpless against your charismatic endeavours.

But I need to be strong. I need to live. I need to be whoever I am – the me that is hidden by all the baggage that has been heaped on me over the years. The me that is not enslaved by the thoughts and deeds of others. The me that is true.

So, here we are, Sweet Temptation. Face-to-face once more. This time I am stronger. This time I am acutely aware that you don’t really care for me at all. That has never mattered before, but today it does. Today I am making a stand, and I am asking you to take your wares and leave. I know that you will return, but I am not in the market to buy your treasures today.

One response to “Sweet Temptation

  1. Pingback: Stigma, Seeking Help, and Angels | Writing From The Ashes

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